Untitled For Now
by PadfootOldBuddyOldPal
Summary: Ginny Weasley is on a mission - to find out more about her boyfriend. Dean is always so quiet, so when she finds a diary under his bed, it seems to be the perfect way... (please not, this summary may seem irrelevant in the first chapter. please bear with


Untitled  
  
Chapter 1 - Valentines and Makeovers  
  
"Will you... will you go to the Valentine's Ball with me?"  
  
Lily paused. On the one hand, Snape was far better than Potter... but did she really want to go with Snape? After all of the names he called her...  
  
"Lily, I'm sorry about the way I acted towards you... but when you're in Slytherin... I can't let you help me. Or I couldn't let you help me, anyway. I want to put all of that behind us... and start again. Can we?"  
  
She was sure there would be teeth-marks on her lips, she was biting them so hard. There really wasn't any reason why she shouldn't... apart from the fact that however big his ego, she still was hoping-  
  
What? What was she thinking? Of course she didn't want him to ask her... she wasn't that stupid.  
  
"Of course I will, Snape," she told him, a business-like aspect to her voice. "I'll see you then."  
  
Lily marched defiantly up to Gryffindor common room. She couldn't wait to see Potter's face when he found out that she was going with Snivellus.  
  
She paused suddenly.  
  
'I'm horrible!' Lily thought, desperately. 'How could I think that?' That was not the reason she had accepted Snape's offer... Severus' offer...  
  
"Lily?" A large girl with dark bushy hair stepped out in front of her. "What's wrong?" Alice studied her intently. Es was Lily's best friend in the world. She was the one who had taught her that being a witch wads nothing to be ashamed of; that Petunia wasn't always right.  
  
"Nothing, Al," Lily said, although she couldn't help but allow a little weariness to seep into her voice. "I'm fine. Chocolate Drops," she added to the Fat Lady, who seemed to be humming an off-key version of Auld Lang Syne. Lily traipsed up the winding staircase to the sixth-year girls dorm, Alice climbing in front of her. Lily knocked on the great wooden door. She marveled at the grandiose of the door, something that always seemed to amuse her friends.  
  
"Lily!" Genevieve giggled, opening the door. "This is your room too! You don't have to knock!"  
  
Lily had found it a good strategy, after walking in on April and Derrick kissing in there. That had been in second year. The image still haunted her.  
  
"I definitely do," Lily said firmly, giving a pointed glare at the girl glossing her lips with a complex charm by the mirror. April was very good at charm-work, but tended to do best when she had a motive. Like the thought of snogging a boy at some point that evening. Lily wrinkled her nose at the thought.  
  
"Lily," April rolled her grey eyes. Lily had always been jealous of them. And she'd got stuck with pond-weed. "That was in second-year. I am no longer that selfish, or that stupid."  
  
"You were snogging Mark Denver last week!" Lily objected.  
  
"I know. But now, I go and find somewhere more private. And somewhere that doesn't take so long to get to... it took me half an hour to silence the damn alarm."  
  
Lily frowned, but Alice and Genevieve giggled. One thing that Lily had continuously complained about during her first year was how giggly her room- mates were. It was a waste of energy, however, and she had now resorted to giving them all a superior look, which to this day had always managed to fail her. "Will you ever grow out of acting like little girls whenever she pulls one of her stunts?" Lily jerked her thumb at April, who was currently pouting into the mirror, trying to find the one that looked best with her outfit. The other girls giggled some more. "At least J wouldn't act like you two," Lily said irritably, carefully unpacking her bag, taking out the books she needed for homework. Just then, Jennifer Bones stormed in, her dyed black waist-length hair billowing in her considerable slipstream.  
  
"He's already going with someone else!" she bellowed furiously. Lily was surprised to see that J's thickly-lined eyes were watering slightly. It took a lot to upset J, Lily knew this. She hadn't shed one tear when she was told that her brother was killed by some Death Eaters in the summer of her fourth year. When her Uncle was brought in to Hogwarts to be kept safe after his two sons had been slaughtered, she barely flinched. It wasn't that she wasn't close to her family: the Boneses were the closest family Lily had had the pleasure to meet. No, it just wasn't in J's nature to get upset.  
  
"Who is?" April asked. "God, you must be obsessed. I haven't EVER seen you get that upset, and half your family's been brutally murdered because they're all up for chasing You-Know-Who!"  
  
Lily turned furiously on April. "How dare you?" Lily cried. "You are so - so insensitive! And tactless! J's upset, and you're just blurting off about everything bad that has ever happened to her!"  
  
"Well, you're the one yelling about it!" April said, a snarky look plastered on her face. "Don't be such a hypocrite."  
  
"Me, a hypocrite!" Lily shrieked. "I am not a hypo-"  
  
"Shut up!" J yelled, tears now freely rolling down her cheeks. "You aren't helping!"  
  
"Whoever said that we wanted to help you?" April now looked decidedly peeved. "God, this world doesn't revolve around you all of a sudden. And I doubt it ever will." April turned her nose up at J's pleated tartan mini- skirt, and safety-pin covered T-shirt. "You know, you have so much potential there. If you just let me..." April trailed off, leaving a pause for J to snap back that she 'didn't want to look a stupid tart like you!'. Silence reigned for a moment. "If you just let me have a go at giving you a make-over... I swear, you don't have to keep it! I'll let you wash it off straight away if you don't like it..."  
  
"OK," a quiet voice mumbled from under J's bedcovers.  
  
There was a shocked silence, until April regained her wits, and announced "Great! Come on, Al, Gen, Lily - I'll need all of your help. Yes, ever you, Miss Priss."  
  
"I am not-"  
  
"Leave it," Al muttered. "You'll just get into an argument. And then McGonagall'll come back up to see who's being murdered again." She winked. Lily blushed.  
  
The girls all crowded around J, who's face was streaked with eye-liner tear tracks. April tutted.  
  
"Right, here we go. I'll just clean you off." April picked up her wand, and Lily waited for another of April's infamous charm inventions to quicken the process of applying a mountain of make-up onto your face. But she merely tucked it behind her ear. To Lily's surprise, April picked up a pack of Muggle tissues, and dabbed them into a pot of green balm, at which J was giving a very dubious look. "It's a potion I created," April said, trying to alleviate her worries.  
  
"But you're rubbish at Potions!" Lily said, without thinking.  
  
"Look who's the tactless one now," April said sourly. Lily blushed violently. "You said the same about Charms. I can do whatever I need to do. If you just leave a cleansing liquor to cool, add two drops of lemonbalm juice, then add essence of a Bezoar, you get a perfect make-up remover. It zaps any zits you have, as well. It's just an all-round saviour." Lily scoffed at this point. "Whatever, Prissy." Lily scowled. "Anyway, let's be getting on..."  
  
Al, Gen and Lily all watched interestedly as April crouched in front of J, applying all sorts of balms and creams onto her face, which was gradually starting to lose it's flushed, upset look. April started to apply some orange gel, at which point J interrupted.  
  
"April, I hope that's coming off."  
  
"What d'you mean? Of course it's not! I'm spending a good 15 minutes on this to check it's perfectly even, though, don't worry!"  
  
"I don't care if it's even!" J said, alarmed. "I don't want orange goo on my face at all!"  
  
April looked mortally offended. "Goo?" She held a hand to her forehead, and took a few deep breaths. "This is my best foundation! It doesn't come out orange, it gives you a natural glow!"  
  
"So long as it's not an orange glow, that's fine," J stated suspiciously. The other three girls giggled. Even Lily, although at a later date she would flatly deny it. ('I was clearing my throat!')  
  
April deftly applied the... stuff.... to J's face, who still looked slightly uncomfortable. "We are going to give you a proper make-over," April told J happily. "Whoever he is, you'll knock his socks off!"  
  
"Yeah, how come you haven't told us?" Gen asked, looking rather hurt.  
  
"I... you'd laugh."  
  
"Would not."  
  
"I am not getting into that with you, Gen, let's just leave it at this: would too."  
  
"Would not! Would we?" Gen looked around the room, looking for encouragement.  
  
"Of course we wouldn't," April confirmed, now smoothing out creases that the orange balm had left. It was quite bizarre seeing J how she would no doubt look in fifty years or so. "Go on, you can trust us."  
  
"All right," J sighed, bracing herself. "It's - no, I'm sorry, I just can't!"  
  
"It isn't Potter, is it?" Lily asked shrewdly.  
  
"Oh, my God, he's so fit!" April gushed, Al and Gen looking in full agreement. "And you still turn him down! Anyway, I'm off to try pull him Saturday evening. Anyone want his side-kick?"  
  
"Sirius Black?" Lily asked, screwing up her face. "No way. I can't believe you just arrange things like this. It's grim."  
  
"Oh, I'll have him!" Gen said, waving her hand madly.  
  
"Fine. And no it isn't Lily, my love, it's called having a life. Something that you forfeited when you turned down the most gorgeous lad in Hogwarts. No one will talk to you except us, now."  
  
It was true. However much Lily tried to ignore it, it was completely true. All the boys in Hogwarts were furious for humiliating their idol, and the girls were disgusted that she refused the most eligible bachelor in the castle. It made Lily sick.  
  
"I don't care," she told them, almost truthfully. "I really don't. And I'm not your love."  
  
"Right you are, Lily love. J, I - hold on, you need a new name." April paused for a moment, pondering. "You can't have Jen, 'cause Gen's Jen."  
  
"I'm happy with J!"  
  
"It won't suit your look," April said vaguely. "It needs to be more feminine. You could have Niffy, but there's a girl in Ravenclaw that uses that name-"  
  
"That's a ridiculous name!" Lily interjected. "You can't call her 'Niffy' - you're mad!"  
  
"OK, we'll have to use Jenny. But it still is a bit common - I want to be a little more original..."  
  
At the word 'original', J perked up. "Well, if that's what you want, how about using my middle name? It's Bellatrix, after my Mum's second cousin, twice removed, who she hates."  
  
"Why were you named after someone your Mum hates?"  
  
"As an insult," J said happily. "Because I'm a 'filthy half-blood'."  
  
The room erupted in laughter. J could be very blunt sometimes - that was one of her finer qualities.  
  
"Trixie!" April cried. "That's perfect!"  
  
J looked hesitant. "Isn't that a bit... girlie?"  
  
"That's why it's so perfect!" April looked almost ecstatic. "It'll suit you so well!"  
  
Lily rolled her eyes, carefully making sure that April didn't see. If she saw, then she'd just have a long rant about how she 'never lived up to her full potential!'. And that wasn't too appealing a prospect.  
  
April smoothed over J - or Trixie - 's face one final time, before removing her hands. Lily had to admit, it was impressive. All of the black make-up that had coated J's face was gone, and a fresh-faced pretty girl was sitting in the chair, in clothes that were none-too-complimentary, and a hair-style that looked oddly misplaced.  
  
"Look, I have to go," Lily said suddenly. Something about the way 'Trixie' now looked had jolted something in her memory. The Valentine's Ball. "I have to go and think for a little while."  
  
Lily left the room, and hurried down the staircase. Why had she done it? She certainly felt sorry for Snape... all of those tricks Potter and his stupid gang played on him, anyone should. But did she really want to go out with him, on what would unmistakably be classed as a date? Lily didn't think so... perhaps she should just tell Severus that it was just a friendly thing... nothing more... or perhaps that would just make things worse... she didn't want to offend him...  
  
Lily sat down in a comfy armchair, and stared into the roaring fire, it's crimson embers glowing under the flames. This was her custom when she needed to clear her head... and she really did need to now.  
  
Suddenly someone coming down the stairs interrupted her thoughts, and she turned around to snap at whoever it was to go back upstairs. It was hardly ever empty during early evening just after dinner, and she didn't want to lose the valuable time she had. It was Potter.  
  
"What do you want, Potter?" she asked, unable to inject her usual spite into her voice.  
  
"Go out with me?" he asked, stretching. He went and grabbed a drink. It almost amused her that it was such a routine for him. Almost. "How about to the Valentine's Ball?"  
  
"I'm afraid not," Lily said absently. "I wouldn't be seen dead with a prat like you - people might think that I couldn't do any better."  
  
"Ouch."  
  
"And besides, I've already got a date. I'm not really one to disappoint."  
  
Lily walked up the stairs back into her dorm.  
  
"You go girl!" J said, looking impressed. Her hair was covered in lather, and April was massaging it into her hair. No more make-up had been applied so far. "That was some putting down!"  
  
Lily grinned, and looked at all of the other girls I the room. They, however, did not seem at all impressed with her. Her smile faded, and a frown appeared on her face. "What's up? You all look like I did something really terrible!"  
  
"Lily, come here." Alice beckoned her over, and pointed to a square of colour on a suspended square of black material. It was like a TV screen, but obviously powered by magic - the screen somehow managed to show every nook and cranny of the Common Room. "Take a look."  
  
"You were spying on me?" Lily asked, halfway between anger at herself for not thinking it through, and anger at her friends for being so sneaky.  
  
"Of course we were!" April cried. She looked particularly angry. "You just walked out, we weren't going to just leave you! We thought we had to make sure you were OK. Apparently it wasn't you we should have been worried about." April turned her back on Lily, and carried on with J's makeover. No, Trixie's, Lily corrected herself. "Just go see. Look what you did. Just look at him, Lils."  
  
Lily was confused. What had she done that was so terrible. Perhaps she hadn't noticed someone else on the room... had she offended someone? Maybe they'd said hello, and she ignored them... Lily felt very worried all of a sudden. She looked apprehensively at the screen, not sure she wanted to know what she had done. But all she saw was the common room exactly as she'd left it. All spick and span, and Potter sitting on the large settee... he'd been on the armchair before. Was that it? What was so bad about that?  
  
"Look, I don't see what's so wrong. Nothing's any different to how I left it. I don't see any problems."  
  
All of a sudden, to Lily's utter amazement, April jumped up from her chair. "You complete bitch!" she yelled, losing all control. "How can you say that? He is obviously really hurt by what you did to him, and you have the nerve to tell me that you don't care. Or rather, that you knew that, and you just left him there. Look at him! You bitch! You total bitch!"  
  
April stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her. So hard, in fact, that the great oak slab came off of its top hinge. "Reparo," Lily muttered automatically. "What is her problem?" They saw April run out of the Portrait Hole on the small screen. "I didn't do anything!"  
  
"Do you call that nothing?" Gen asked quietly. "That was a really horrible thing you just did... really spiteful. I hope that you can see that, really, and are just acting like you don't care. Otherwise, you really are heartless, Lily. I thought you were a really nice girl, but - oh, never mind. You've heard what April said. Just think about it. Because that wasn't just her anger saying that, you know. I'm going to find her. She's really, really upset. She might do anything..." A look of worry spread over her face, and she, too, darted out of the room. As she crossed the screen, Lily noticed James just sitting exactly where he had been when she last looked.  
  
"Is he not even going to ask them what's wrong?" Lily asked, feeling her temper rise. Her friends looked like they never wanted to speak to her again, she had agreed to go on a date with Severus Snape, and now she was being labeled the world's most selfish cow for doing... something. "he's just sitting there!"  
  
"I expect he has enough problems of his own," Alice said. This hurt Lily the most, as the disappointment that was so clear in Al's voice made her want to cry. Al's opinion mattered more to her than everyone else's in the world added up. "Come on, Trixie, I think we need to leave Lily on her own to think for a while."  
  
"I don't need to think at all, I-"  
  
"Perhaps you're right," Trixie sighed. "Let's go. Bye, Lily. Just have a think about how he feels... maybe it wasn't such a good show after all." She hung her head a bit, and proceeded to leave the room with Al. Lily got up to chase after them, but heard a locking charm from behind the door Al had just closed.  
  
"No!" Lily sobbed. She hadn't even noticed the tears form behind her eyes, but now she could feel them burning her cheeks as they rolled down. "Please let me out, just tell me what I did!"  
  
Lily collapsed in a heap on the floor. She didn't have the energy, nor the will, to stand any longer.  
  
"Just look at him, Lils."  
  
An echo of what April had said rang through Lily's mind. She turned furious eyes on the screen suspended before her. Furious, she glared straight at the mound that she knew was James Potter. Everything was his fault. Everything. She noticed that he seemed to be laughing. His whole body was shaking with mirth, tears rolling down his cheeks... God, there were so many it was like a river. Rage bubbled through Lily as she'd never known before. She was normally so calm, and reserved... Not now. Now, she was apoplectic with rage. She ran to tear down the black material, hanging so ominously from the end of J's four-poster, when something struck her.  
  
James had stood up, and still appeared to be laughing. Instead of him having calmed down, though, he seemed even more agitated.. now he looked angry. He bombed around the common room, tearing things down, kicking things, and doing general damage. He wasn't laughing. She could see that now. He was crying.  
  
Mr Popular himself, crying? Lily couldn't believe it. But then... this was her fault? Was that why her friends were so cross with her? Because Potter was being childish, and they thought it was her fault, when it very plainly wasn't... or was it? What had she said... her last words had been that she was going with someone else - was that what it was? Lily tried to imagine what it was like, to traipse around after someone for five years, to boost your ego, and then they tell you that they don't want you. Over and over. Then, you find out that they're going with someone else on a date... someone that can't have shown them the least bit of attention, or you'd have noticed... Well, Lily reasoned, if it was just for an ego boost... Boy, did his pride mean a lot to him... If that was what it was.  
  
'Of course it is, you idiot,' she reprimanded herself. 'What else would it be? Love? As if!'  
  
Lily scoffed at the thought. Then it happened.  
  
James reached out and smashed the window. Even on the small screen she could see the blood dripping from his hand. He reached out of the window, and levered himself up onto the window ledge. He stood tall, and a wave of fear came over Lily. He wouldn't... he wasn't...  
  
He did. With one giant leap, he vanished. Lily shrieked, and ran over to the door. After a few desperate attempts of unlocking, barging through, or blowing up the door, she collapsed against it, still crying.  
  
"Help!" she shrieked between cries. "Someone, please! Open the door!"  
  
Lily knew full well that it could only be opened from the outside. She banged on the door in frustration.  
  
"Evans?" Lily sobbed even harder, recognizing the voice as that of Sirius Black. How could she tell him? She had just killed his best friend.  
  
"Help! Black, please... you have to help.. it's Potter..."  
  
"James?" Sirius asked quickly. "What about him? Where is he? What's happened? Have you-"  
  
"Just open the door, Black!" Lily shrieked. "You have no idea... he could be... he might be..." Lily broke off, and sobbed even harder.  
  
"All right, all right, keep your hair on!" Sirius sounded alarmed; he was undoubtedly not used to hearing Lily Evans, Little Miss Perfect, Gryffindor Sixth Year Prefect and all round top student shrieking at the top of her voice to be let out of her locked dorm room because of James Potter.  
  
Sirius muttered the unlocking charm, and Lily pushed past him to get out of the tower. She had to find James. This was all her fault. She leaned out of the window, Black on her left, trying to see what she was staring at.  
  
"There's nothing there, Evans!" Black called irritably. "Please don't tell me that I spent five minutes trying to get up the Girls staircase without getting thrown down again, just so you could stare out of the window at nothing!"  
  
"It isn't nothing, you prat! Potter could be down there, he jumped, all right? I upset him, and he jumped out of the window!"  
  
In less than a millisecond, Lily found herself being held up against the wall, her air supply completely cut off. Sirius was holding her up by the neck, looking angrier than she ever thought the lazy toad could get.  
  
"What have you done?" Black roared. "You've killed him!"  
  
A crowd had obviously built up at some point, as there was a collective gasp throughout the room. Lily could hear whispers passing round, and she dreaded to think what they were saying. She was quickly running out of air, and the room was spinning. She could no longer tell anything apart, only seeing colours and shapes moving randomly in front of her eyes. Gradually, it got darker, until she was about a second from losing consciousness.  
  
"Mr Black!" An outraged voice sounded throughout the Gryffindor Common Room. Lily was released, and she took several large gulps of air, as the room came slowly back into focus. "How dare you!" Lily looked up to see Professor McGonagall towering over Black, who was quailing under her stare. "What, may I ask, caused you to manhandle Miss Evans in such a way? And what has happened in here?" McGonagall looked around the common room in shock.  
  
"SHE KILLED JAMES!"  
  
Silence fell over the Common room, and Professor McGonagall looked back at Black, stunned.  
  
"What - what are you talking about, Black? Don't be so ridiculous! Miss - Miss Evans?"  
  
Lily leapt up off of the floor, and sped out of the common room, ignoring the various shouts from behind her. Tears were slipping out of her eyes before she could stop it, and for the second time in the last quarter of an hour Lily Evans found herself crying like a baby. She hurried out of the castle, then looked up to the tower stretching above her. If that was Gryffindor Tower up there... then James must have fallen around here. Lily scrabbled desperately around in the muck, searching for something... anything that could give her a clue as to where James had gone.  
  
"Looking for something, Evans? Or has your new boyfriend dumped you?" Lily screamed. James Potter was hovering above her, with a look of pure hatred on his face. "What's wrong with you? God, I could hear you screeching from the Quidditch Pitch."  
  
"The - the Quidditch Pitch? How - Why - You were there?"  
  
"Take a medal, Evans," James sneered. "Is that all right with you? Do I have permission to have a fly around on my broom?"  
  
"A - a fly? You flew? You-"  
  
It all made sense. He had not jumped, he had gone for a ride on his broom. How conceited was she? To think that he had just thrown himself to his death because she had found a date!  
  
"Right - well, I'm just going to go in," Lily said, still in shock. "I - I'm sorry, James."  
  
With that, Lily raced back up to the school, and to her hiding spot. Never in her life had she been made to look this stupid. Never. She looked out of the window of the Out of Order Girls Toilets, across to the Quidditch Pitch. A flash of scarlet was shooting about the pitch. James had obviously gone back there. She watched him for a minute, before breaking down into ore noisy tears, although this time, they were of relief.  
  
~*~  
  
A couple of hours later, a quiet red-headed girl, standing beneath the windows in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, was starting to get bored. Lily really must have been upset over this - she had been sitting on that windowsill for five hours in total, crying her eyes out. And she still hadn't dried up. The silent girl knew she wasn't heartless, and when she thought that James had jumped, she herself had screamed (although no one heard her), but this was getting ridiculous. Considering how much she hated James, and how her friends had already owled her several times, begging her to come back, and forgiving her, she couldn't see what was upsetting Lily so much. The watcher had been very surprised when she met Harry's Mum. She had pictured a sweet, caring woman, who was starry-eyed in love with James Potter. The reality had been almost the very opposite. Lily seemed that she would normally be nice enough... but it all seemed so wrong.  
  
The watching girl was almost like a ghost. No one would see her, or hear her, no matter how loudly she yelled. She wouldn't judge either of Harry's parents by this day's events, as she knew that they were not the everyday happenings of their lives, but she also knew that these people were not nearly how she had thought they would be.  
  
Just as the girl was giving up hope on Lily ever moving, the waif-like figure on the window-sill fell quiet. She wrapped her arms around the top of the nearest cubicle, and swung down. The watcher followed as Lily made her solitary way up to Gryffindor Tower, listened to the Fat Lady grunt about ill-behaved students, and watched as Lily climbed into her four- poster bed, unnoticed by the other four sleeping girls in her room. One thing the silent watcher was sure of: none of these girls were going to sleep soundly tonight.  
  
The girl felt a tug on her shoulder, and turned around, shocked. A taller girl with bushy hair was standing in front of her, frowning slightly.  
  
"Come on, Ginny. It's time you came back. We've been worried."  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Whoa. That was so much longer than I thought. I was hoping to get 2000 words, as they don't flow very easily sometimes. But my word-count now says that I have written 4776 words. I'm going to write a really long Author's Note now, so I can get it up to 5000! No, really, I'm not sure about this. I think I'll keep on writing, as this came so easily to me, but I really don't know. So I need your help!  
  
Firstly, I'm looking for a beta, to check my work for mistakes. If you notice any in this chapter, tell me and I'll edit it. But it seems silly for me to do that, if someone could just check through it for me before I upload it. I'm sorry to say that I'm far too lazy to go and read all of what I've just written, and even sorrier that I can't get Italics and Bold when I upload a Word document. If I get good response to this, I'll definitely sort it out much better, but I doubt I will. Most stories don't get very many reviews, so I'll just have to cross my fingers!  
  
And that brings me to my second point. I know that I am being a total hypocrite to say this, but it really is great when you open your browser and find that your story has a review. Even a bad one. That someone has actually taken the thirty second to write down their opinion, even if it is just 'It's OK'. Because even that review would mean an awful lot to me. Plus, I need criticism. I can't correct my own work very well, so any advice is whole-heartedly welcome!  
  
OK, I also meant to say that I need a title. I can't think of one to go... can you help?  
  
Thanks a bunch for wading your way down this page, I know it's very long! Sorry!  
  
But now, you see, I have reached my 5000 mark! Yay! Now, please review! 


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